Tags Matching: Pieces of Crap

Licensed Comics Suck

Comics featuring licensed properties suck. Sorry. They suck. I might end up writing one someday, and I’ll do my best to make it great, but tell me I’m wrong. These damn things make no impact on anyone. It’s almost sad. A tree died for this no account piece of crap.

Let’s talk about this classic in the world of unnecessary licenses. Rambo 3 the comic book. First, what’s this pose? What is John Rambo actually doing? Is he lunging? Jumping? His headband isn’t making this any easier for me. Why is it flowing in the wind like that? Also, is this actually Rambo? Is he supposed to look like Sylvester Stallone? He doesn’t. And is that a smile? Did Rambo smile? Ever? Further, did we really need a 3-D version of a turd? Does it come in smell-o-vision? Licensed comics suck.

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For the Image Superfan Only

The ashcan format is typically used to pitch to publishers. An aspiring creator makes a miniature version of his or her proposed comic, typically with 10 or fewer pages, and presents it to an editor in the hopes of being noticed. From a legal standpoint, printing it out is useful down the line if someone tries to steal your intellectual property. You can say you’ve published it (the law doesn’t see much difference between mass printing and a run of 30 at Kinkos) and own the rights.

Ashcans are also used as promotional items. Or were for awhile. I don’t see it nearly as often anymore. Maybe it’s because people aren’t really interested in looking at a tiny, shitty version of an upcoming comic when they can just look at PDF’s of it online.

Here’s some ashcans from third-tier and largely forgotten Image books. Why would you want something that is already mediocre in a format that furthers its shittiness? Direct that question to the guy asking $124.99 for a PITT ashcan. Wow. Thinking about that just made me giggle. I want one-billion spacebucks for my copy of Web of Spider-man #50 (featuring Rocket Racer) that my dog peed on.

Oh Pitt, we hardly knew thee.

A very necessary SECOND Pitt ashcan. This advertising blitz won me over. I have to take my hat off to the seller here. Not only is he/she asking way too much for something barely cool, he/she also has the balls to only provide a blurry photo. This person is bold. I respect it.

This one I had to Google. What the hell is Darker Image, you ask? It was a four-issue series intended to introduce us to such crucial characters as… whoever that guy on the right is. But it only ever made it to one issue. Come to think of it, that’s probably all the introduction needed.

Mixed feelings well up inside me here. Larry Stroman, to me, is one of the best artists of his generation. Totally undervalued. But, without the benefit of a strong editorial staff, he ties himself to some unreadable material.

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Shut It Down, Fellas. We’ve Found the Best Auction Ever.

No need for further posts; we’ve found a winner. Anytime the seller refers to himself by his Columbian druglord streetname, in this case “The Iguana”, you know you’ve got something special. But pair it with some oversized cartoon titties presented on the most worthless medium imaginable (sketchcard) and you’ve really caught lightning in a bottle.

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