Wash This One On the Disinfect Setting Before Use

So I stumbled on* this Cherry beach towel and thought to myself, “No one who reads ‘Cherry’ goes to the beach or public pools and likely doesn’t shower either.” This item seemed totally misguided until I realized that every topless beach I’ve been to has had at least a couple creepy older men who wrapped beach towels around their waist while they strolled up and down the shore. This is a boner guard, not a towel.

It’s bold to fly that freak flag with a pornographic comic book themed towel around your waist. Respect, man.

And for those of you unfamiliar with Cherry (formally known as Cherry Poptart), here’s really all you need to know:

*Searched out frantically while in a boner-induced state of delirium.

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